Without knowing you, I can’t give you a definite answer to your question about diagnosis, of course. But my sense from your letter is that you are suffering normal bereavement, not depression. That isn’t to say that you can’t be depressed, too. It’s possible for both to be going on at the same time. But 16 months isn’t an unreasonable time to be grieving such a devastating loss.
I am worried that you expect too much of yourself, adding guilt to the grief. I’m also concerned that you are mistreating your body with bad food and irregular sleep. That is only going to contribute to how awful you feel.
It doesn’t surprise me that friends are distancing. It isn’t because they are uncaring. They aren’t experiencing the loss in the way you are. You not only lost your husband. You also lost the future you thought you had. Your life is in upheaval as well due to being in a different country and unable to find work or to settle his estate. If you feel like you are in some kind of “limbo”, it’s an accurate perception. You are.
My suggestion: Give yourself a break. Set smaller goals. Rather than trying to clean the whole house, just do a small task a day. Set aside a specific time each day — maybe an hour or two — to think (perhaps write) about your husband and what you have lost. Let yourself really focus on it. If you find yourself thinking about it at other times of the day, stop and remind yourself that you have a time for that. This is called “compartmentalizing”. You are giving your grief a time each day to feel it fully so you can put it aside for the rest of the day.
Get yourself up and dressed at a reasonable time each day even though you don’t feel like it. Make yourself at least one decent meal a day. If you treat yourself better, you will begin to feel better.
Time does heal. But it does take time. I send my sympathy and my assurance that things will get better.
I wish you well.