I’m wondering if anything is “wrong” with me. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me. In fact, I feel pretty good. But…I really want to kill people, and I guess I think I probably shouldn’t. I have found some similar questions, but nothing that really answers my question. The main difference is that I don’t think I would really care on an emotional level if I killed anyone. The thought of actually going through with it doesn’t scare or distress me; quite the opposite, actually. I think it would be a lot of fun. The reason I think I shouldn’t is that I believe I would be more successful (whatever that means…) if I didn’t. Jail seems like a really boring place to be. I’ve felt bored for as long as I can remember. I like learning, or at least the idea of it, because I think having more information is good. Even learning is boring, though. I think it would be nice if it weren’t. Since I dislike being bored, and I imagine that jail would probably be even more boring that my life currently is, I’d rather not go to jail. There aren’t a lot of ways to research “killing without getting caught” so I figured I’d try to figure out how to not kill people instead. I’ve never actually killed anyone, if that matters. I’ve killed animals, and it was pretty nice, but never humans. I can’t quite describe why I want to kill. When I think about it, I feel like have a reason to live. I’ve never been suicidal, but I also feel detached, as if I am living my life just because I have nothing better to do. When I think about killing, that changes. I feel glad to be alive and I can’t wait act on the feelings. But I think I shouldn’t, and that’s why I’m submitting this question. So, how do I stop wanting to kill people? And is there something else that could make me feel the same way? I really like the feeling, and there isn’t much else that I like, so I don’t want to lose it. (age 19, from the US)I Want to Kill People
I Want to Kill People
Yes, I believe that it’s safe to say that something is “wrong” with you. Never once did you mention that killing people might be morally wrong, or that it would hurt an innocent person, or that the person might not deserve to die, or that the person’s loved ones might be affected, etc. It appears that you have no empathy and that you are only looking for an answer to your boredom. I find this very concerning. It’s also concerning that you have enjoyed killing animals. Many of the things you are describing can be related to very serious psychological problems, such as Antisocial Personality Disorder or Sociopathy.
The fact that it would take something this extreme for you to “feel” is a sign that something is wrong. The fact that you think you would get enjoyment out of killing another person is wrong. Please get help soon so that not only will an innocent person or animal not have to die, but you can avoid spending the rest of your life in prison.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts