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Out Of Control, Self-Sabotage?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I am dating a guy that I really care about, he is generally really good to me and helps me better my life in terms of school and work. The idea of him talking to other girls bothers me, a lot. I’ve behaved very “crazy” like with him. I feel impulsive, out of control. I imagine all of these threats, and even if they are real, my behavior is out of control. I’m not asking this question so I could make my relationship better, I am asking because I am really concerned, and my behavior is affecting those around me.

But I am not usually like this, I have not been like this with other guys. I am generally calm, I generally don’t experience anxiety mentally. I dislike emotional people, but now I am being extremely emotional and irrational.

Quick background: Severe physical, and emotional abuse as a child (burning, etc), into teenage years. Parents told me I wasn’t wanted repeatedly as a child. No sexual abuse by parents. Raped by ex-boyfriend, years later 1 abortion after being intimate for the first time with a guy while we were dating for over a year, abortion occurred while fully awake (no medication or sedative) and I watched them do it.

Generally described as intelligent, however I do not manage my time right. I often cut myself short, I seem to be sabotaging myself (the proof is in my life). Extremely “rational” most of the time.

I am not connecting to people. I cannot feel or empathize with the fact that someone says they love me. I just don’t feel it. I feel the love I give. I just don’t feel theirs. It doesn’t register. Doesn’t make me sad.

Out Of Control, Self-Sabotage?

Answered by on -


It’s not clear from your letter what you are asking. You seem to be overly worried about losing your current partner. Something about him or the relationship is making you feel that way.

You’ll need to examine what, about him or you or the relationship, is making you worried. Try to think back to when the problem began and whether there was an event that precipitated your emotional shift.

If you need assistance determining what is wrong and how to fix it, consider counseling. Counseling is particularly helpful for emotional instability and relationship difficulties. Given the nature of the situation, you may only need short-term therapy to come to a resolution.

I wish that I could offer you more assistance, but I don’t have enough information to know what the problem is and what question you want me to answer. If you would like to write back and ask a more direct question, I will do my best to help. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Out Of Control, Self-Sabotage?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Out Of Control, Self-Sabotage?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 6, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 3 Jun 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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