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I Have Lost My Motivation To Complete School Work, Afraid I Will Be Alone

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I am currently in my second semester of college and have lost all of my motivation to keep up with my course load. I have lost my motivation because I feel that no matter what I do, I am not making any progress towards my goal of having a fulfilling life.

A fulfilling life to me would be: being in a romantic relationship with someone I deeply care about and love; I would also like to be able to have a relatively comfortable life with this person, therefore I would want a relatively good paying job.

I understand that college is a stepping stone to that good paying job (at least in theory), but I feel like I am wasting my time and effort to get said job. The reason I think this is because I have had no luck in finding a relationship, and I am starting to think that I will never find a relationship. Without said relationship, I do not care about getting a good paying job. I only care about the job because of the money it would provide, and I only care about the money because I would need it to live a comfortable life with someone that I care for and love.

I don’t know what to do, women have never really been interested in me, and I’m not sure I know how to get their attention. For one thing, I am not very good looking, and that puts me at a disadvantage right from the start. I am below average in height (5’7″), underweight/not well built (I have always been underweight because of my high metabolism), and have pale skin; I am also not a good conversationalist and am not good at talking to women.

I have tried getting the attention of women in my classes, but it never seems to work. I have even tried a dating app (something that I previously promised myself I would never use), but have had no success with it.

My lack of success in achieving my goal, makes everything seem pointless to me and I do not see any reason to work hard at school anymore. I don’t understand what I have been doing wrong, and I am starting to hate my life and wish I was never born.

I would appreciate any type of advice, thank you.

I Have Lost My Motivation To Complete School Work, Afraid I Will Be Alone

Answered by on -

A.

Feelings are not facts. You might feel that you are not making progress towards your goals but being in school is making progress. You can’t earn a four-year degree in less than four years. It takes as long as it takes. A college degree is no longer a stepping stone; it’s has become a necessity for most jobs.

Without a college degree you will likely earn considerably less money in your lifetime and it will be much more difficult to get a job. Georgetown University, according to their report The College Payoff, found that individuals with bachelor’s degrees earn about $2.27 million over their lifetime, compared to $1.30 million with a high school diploma. That means you could earn roughly about $1 million more in your lifetime just by earning a bachelor’s degree and more if you receive a masters, doctoral or professional degree.

Lack of motivation is part of your dilemma; however, the heart of the problem seems to be your not being in a relationship. The fact that you don’t have a relationship is making it difficult for you to see the purpose of college.

At 19, you only just became an adult. This is the time when people begin searching for a life partner. By that standard, you are where you should be.

Just because a romance hasn’t developed doesn’t mean that it won’t. You’re still very young. Even if you were to meet someone with whom you developed a relationship, it’s unlikely that you would marry that person. People often date many people before they choose someone to marry.

There are many women looking for someone just like you but you must be patient. In the meantime, develop yourself and your mind. The desire for love is natural but as it stands, your happiness and success in life is entirely dependent upon being in a relationship. In practical terms, this means that some unknown stranger holds the key to your happiness. For obvious reasons, that is a terrifying prospect. Psychologically healthy people don’t need others to make them happy.

Nearly all colleges offer free counseling to their students. You could benefit from counseling. It would help you stay focused on finishing school, avoid unrealistic thinking and seeing reality clearly. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I Have Lost My Motivation To Complete School Work, Afraid I Will Be Alone

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). I Have Lost My Motivation To Complete School Work, Afraid I Will Be Alone. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/05/31/i-have-lost-my-motivation-to-complete-school-work-afraid-i-will-be-alone/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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