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Controlling Boyfriend

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Hey, I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. things are usually very good and I have a great time with him. About 6 months ago he cheated on me, we got through it and I know he deeply regrets it. But now he am realising how controlling he is. He is away on holiday and I have been invited to a party, I told him I was going and he got very angry that I would even go. He then gave me a set of rules, consisting of; I am not allowed to smoke, drink, be around a group of boys, have a picture with other boys and I have to see him the next day and tell him exactly what happened at the party. He is telling me by going to this party I am proving that I don’t care about our relationship and I’m the bad one. I am worried that this has crossed the line. He always has a go at me when I am out with my friends, which isn’t very often! And I am feeling trapped. I have tried to speak to him about this but every time he turns it round on me and I am worried that I might have to leave him. I love him very much, but sometimes I think that our relationship isn’t healthy. Hope you can help. (age 18, from United Kingdom)

Controlling Boyfriend

Answered by on -


Trust your intuition and leave him. The things you are describing here are definitely unhealthy and may only get worse. He has no right to control you in this way, especially considering that he is the one that violated your relationship, not you!

He needs to grow up and develop the ability to trust his partner (and not project his own issues onto you). It is unlikely that he will make these changes without an incentive, such as losing you. Walk away from him now and go find someone who respects you.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts


Controlling Boyfriend

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Controlling Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.