Hey, I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. things are usually very good and I have a great time with him. About 6 months ago he cheated on me, we got through it and I know he deeply regrets it. But now he am realising how controlling he is. He is away on holiday and I have been invited to a party, I told him I was going and he got very angry that I would even go. He then gave me a set of rules, consisting of; I am not allowed to smoke, drink, be around a group of boys, have a picture with other boys and I have to see him the next day and tell him exactly what happened at the party. He is telling me by going to this party I am proving that I don’t care about our relationship and I’m the bad one. I am worried that this has crossed the line. He always has a go at me when I am out with my friends, which isn’t very often! And I am feeling trapped. I have tried to speak to him about this but every time he turns it round on me and I am worried that I might have to leave him. I love him very much, but sometimes I think that our relationship isn’t healthy. Hope you can help. (age 18, from United Kingdom)Controlling Boyfriend
Trust your intuition and leave him. The things you are describing here are definitely unhealthy and may only get worse. He has no right to control you in this way, especially considering that he is the one that violated your relationship, not you!
He needs to grow up and develop the ability to trust his partner (and not project his own issues onto you). It is unlikely that he will make these changes without an incentive, such as losing you. Walk away from him now and go find someone who respects you.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts