I think I might need help. For as long as I can remember I’ve always been depressed. I just shrugged it off as boredom till I got into highschool and I decided to actually accept it as depression. I don’t know why I’m depressed. Maybe I don’t even have a reason but it’s just how I feel. I’ve attempted suicide a couple times before but I just couldn’t do it. All I ever think about is dying but I think I’m getting worse. Because I’ve started having thoughts about hurting others as well. Not that I would do such a thing! I abhor violence and wouldn’t even hurt a fly. However a couple years ago I had a kind of mental breakdown. I’m night owl you see, so for some reason one night I just started freaking out. I was extremely paranoid for no reason. I was so scared of something that I started carrying a knife with me to protect myself. After a couple weeks of this I stopped. But, with these new thoughts I’m having, I’m worried that if I have another breakdown I might hurt someone. I’m scaring myself. Recently several people close to me have died and I’m not even bothered by it. I didn’t cry or get upset, I didn’t even act surprised. I mean I accept death as an inevitable but these were people close to me, shouldn’t I be the least bit sad? I’m not sure what I should do. Do I have a problem and/or should I get help? (age 18, from US)What Do I Need to Do about My Depression?
What Do I Need to Do about My Depression?
Yes, you should get help. It is not normal to feel this way and treatment will help. You report that not only have you been experiencing depressed feelings for quite a while, but you have also thought of taking your own life, you’ve experienced paranoia and have recently become fearful that you could hurt someone else. These are all very serious concerns.
I also agree that it is unusual that you didn’t feel sad when people close to you died, however, we all grieve differently and some people experience the sadness later in time. But, if you are already clinically depressed, this condition could be masking your true feelings.
Please go see a therapist soon and be very honest about how you have been feeling and how long it has been going on. I would also suggest that you speak to your medical doctor or a psychiatrist as well, because at this point, it is likely that you will need medication to help you feel better.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts