I’m sure that you care for your husband. I am sure that you love your husband. I am equally sure that the relationship, though a loving one, is weak. Clearly your husband is a very troubled man. He cannot support himself, he is recovering from a strong drug addiction, and he is currently an alcoholic.
I’m also sure that living apart is not a solution to his problems. I am sure that living with his sister is not a solution to his problems. No matter where he lives drugs are as readily available to him there as they would be with you in a different location.
You have developed and maintained a 10 year long successful career with the federal government. That is something you should be proud of and something that you should maintain. It is a great asset to both you and your husband. I am sure that there are just as many part-time bartending jobs where you live as where he is living currently.
You need to be realistic and recognize that you do not have a healthy relationship with your husband. The relationship is weak and unhealthy and one step away from a natural ending. I think it is most obvious that you love your husband. It is also obvious that he needs you, however it is not obvious that he loves you, at least not in a normal healthy way that would nurture a healthy relationship.
He chooses to stay away from you to avoid the environment that, in his mind, contributed to his drug addiction. I doubt sincerely that any area in which one lives causes one to choose the use of drugs.
Living with your sister, avoiding a certain part of the country are not known methods to deal with an addictive personality. He needs professional help, perhaps years of counseling to help him overcome his problems. In that long process, he could well use a loving wife who will support him emotionally and financially. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle