The “why” question is not an easy one to answer. Maybe you were born with an inability to empathize. You didn’t mention this, but abuse and neglect are sometimes associated with a lack of empathy. There are many other possibilities, but I would need to know more about you to answer your question.
Even if you knew why you behaved the way you do, it does not provide much guidance for change. What’s most important is your being aware of the problem and wanting to change and be a better person.
My advice is that you seek professional help. Once the therapist collects information about your life history, he or she can provide insight into your “why” question and help you change.
The life of a criminal is not a glamorous or pleasurable one. It’s likely to lead to your loss of freedom. Without help, you’ll probably also struggle to develop deep and meaningful relationships. A life of crime, abuse, manipulation and shallow relationships is the antithesis of a good life. It will lead to your suffering and the suffering of other people.
We are all capable of good or evil, but it is a choice. If you are open to change, then there’s a great deal of hope for you. If not, that’s obviously worrisome.
There is help for you if you are willing to take it. The choice belongs to you. Choose wisely or suffer the consequences. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle