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I Don’t Know if I’m Capable of Loving Anything

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Hi! I’m a 20 year old female. I have a boyfriend that I’ve have for 4 years, and some times I’m obsessed with him and other times I couldn’t care less. I’m just so confused and now we’re on a break, but that I made us go on because I want to have sex with other people. I feel horrible about myself for doing this. I’m really not usually like this and it scares me. I mean I’ll meet somebody for the first time and all of the sudden wham — then my ex will text me and I’ll be all lovey with him I feel like a heartless person but this is not me. Is this normal behavior for this disorder?

I Don’t Know if I’m Capable of Loving Anything

Answered by on -


A; The way to understand this is by appreciating how much distress it is causing you. Rather than label it as normal or abnormal, good or bad, it’s best to see it as behavior that causes you great discomfort.

A struggle with intimacy seems central to your situation. The closer you get—the more you do things to push away. I would highly recommend working in individual therapy on this. It is not likely to sort itself out on it’s own. The find Help tab at the top of the page will locate someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Don’t Know if I’m Capable of Loving Anything

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Don’t Know if I’m Capable of Loving Anything. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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