I’m sorry that you are feeling depressed. Writing in was a great step forward in getting some help, but I agree, you probably need more than just this. I think it was kind of you to give your mom another chance, we all deserve them, but giving someone another chance doesn’t mean you have to live with them. If you were happier living with your father, maybe you should consider going back or at least splitting your time between them.
As for getting some professional help, don’t worry so much about telling your parents “why” you need to talk to a therapist, just let them know that you do. The therapist can help you explain the details later. You can tell them that you have been feeling sad or that you have been struggling with some stressful situations at school and you want to talk to someone who can help you.
In the meantime, rather than not eating or cutting yourself to deal with your pain, please try to find some positive coping skills. You can talk to friends, exercise, keep a journal, volunteer at the animal shelter, etc. These types of things can help a great deal without causing you physical damage. I hope things improve soon.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts