You can’t be anymore sure about what he did as a child than he can be sure about what you did as a child. When people date and become serious about each other, none that I know of go to a polygraph examiner to try to find the truth out about each other and each other’s past experiences.
You judge him by the way he behaves when he interacts with you and he judges you the same way. The past is somewhat relevant and somewhat interesting but for almost everyone it is who you are now that matters and who he is now that matters.
You were sexually abused as a child and it has had an impact on your life. Perhaps part of that impact is to be overly aware of the potential for child abuse. When someone’s home has been burglarized the victims of that burglary are highly sensitized to future burglaries and future burglars.
This doesn’t mean that their suspicions will be correct when they see people who “might be” a burglar. They are sensitized from being burglarized and are hypervigilant. You can be sure that the vast majority of candidates that they meet in life, who “might be” burglars will not be.
The very best thing you can do with your boyfriend and father of your child is to be honest with him and tell him of your concerns. Discuss this fully and ask him every question that you have. You can do this in a quiet, serious setting together or you can do this with the help of a therapist or counselor.
I hope things work out with you and I hope your baby will be healthy and happy.
Dr. Kristina Randle