We’ve been together 7 years married 6. My husband is 31. I am 24. We separated almost a year due to untreated mental issues and infidelity. He was diagnosed bipolar and medicated now. Finally living together again I was excited to spice things up as that was his excuse for cheating. Now he claims his meds and our kids distract him from wanting sex. We’ve had sex maybe 8 times in 3 months and never intimate, quick, no kissing or eye contact. I found on his phone search history for all kinds of sexy teen, hot teen babe, most beautiful teens 2014, panty hose fetish teen miniskirt, etc. This crushed me. He claims to have no sex drive but goes and looks at that crap. I am not unattractive. 5’11 135 lbs, DD boobs — but his choices have made me feel worthless. He says he’s been battling these demons his whole life and it had nothing to do with me, but how am I supposed to feel when I am right here willing to fulfill his fantasies and he doesn’t even express a desire to be with me? Can you please help me make sense of this? I don’t have much heart left to break. The infidelity nearly killed me. Please help. (age 24, from US)
I’m sorry that you are having trouble in your marriage. There can be several factors contributing to your husband’s lack of sexual drive (libido). Psychotropic medication often decreases libido, so that is a legitimate complaint. Having children and being tired is also a common complaint, especially considering he is older than you. He should let his doctor know that he is struggling with the issue because sometimes adjustments can be made.
However, I feel that his interest in teen porn is a separate issue and one that I find very concerning. Studies have shown that spending a great deal of time viewing things of a sexual nature online can negatively affect real intimacy with a partner, among other things. I would suggest that you seek marital therapy right away. In particular, I would seek a therapist who specializes in sexual dysfunctions as well as couple’s counseling. I hope things get better for you soon.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts
I’m 24 and My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex
Holly Counts, Psy.D.
Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.
APA Reference Counts, H. (2018). I’m 24 and My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/05/08/im-24-and-my-husband-isnt-interested-in-sex/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.