Yes, you have a disease. It’s called adolescence The teen years make most people uneasy in lots of ways for a time. Please understand that I’m not being dismissive or disrespectful. I understand completely that it is confusing and painful to be in turmoil about so many things. You are asking the big important questions about values, compassion, morality, and mortality. You’re trying to figure out who you are and what kind of person you want to be. None of that is easy. But fortunately, your mind and emotions will settle down over time.
You will get through it faster if you start focusing on doing good things in the world for other people instead of thinking so much about whether there is something wrong with you. If you really want to get better, join a service club, do some volunteering, and look for opportunities to do random acts of kindness. Research shows that doing positive things at a ratio of 3 – 5 to 1 (3 – 5 positive things for every negative one) builds people’s self-esteem and has all kinds of positive benefits.
I wish you well.