Hi, I don’t know whether you received my last message but basically after my daughter was born, the first time me and my partner had sex was all one-sided. He had sex with me while I was asleep. Even though I have been with my boyfriend for five years now I felt violated and that my trust was broken. Since then I am getting very angry with him and won’t let him touch me anymore. We don’t even kiss or cuddle. However I’m not just like that with him, I won’t let anyone touch me even family and I’m confused why? It’s gradually getting worse. Am I being mean to him and my family and does my boyfriend need my attention maybe then he won’t try it with me while I’m asleep? I don’t know what to do? (age 19, from England)Emotional Attachment Issue
Emotional Attachment Issue
You have a right to be upset that your boyfriend had sex with you while you were asleep. Sex isn’t consensual if you can’t give consent (asleep, intoxicated and so on). You were violated and your reaction is in response to that situation. However, it doesn’t mean that you and your partner can’t work through this, especially if you have a child together.
I would suggest that you seek couple’s therapy. He needs to understand how you feel and you need to work on rebuilding trust. If he isn’t willing to go with you, it tells you more about his commitment level. Your comfort level with touch will most likely get better with time but you can help it along by seeing a professional.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts