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Emotional Attachment Issue

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Hi, I don’t know whether you received my last message but basically after my daughter was born, the first time me and my partner had sex was all one-sided. He had sex with me while I was asleep. Even though I have been with my boyfriend for five years now I felt violated and that my trust was broken. Since then I am getting very angry with him and won’t let him touch me anymore. We don’t even kiss or cuddle. However I’m not just like that with him, I won’t let anyone touch me even family and I’m confused why? It’s gradually getting worse. Am I being mean to him and my family and does my boyfriend need my attention maybe then he won’t try it with me while I’m asleep? I don’t know what to do? (age 19, from England)

Emotional Attachment Issue

Answered by on -


You have a right to be upset that your boyfriend had sex with you while you were asleep. Sex isn’t consensual if you can’t give consent (asleep, intoxicated and so on). You were violated and your reaction is in response to that situation. However, it doesn’t mean that you and your partner can’t work through this, especially if you have a child together.

I would suggest that you seek couple’s therapy. He needs to understand how you feel and you need to work on rebuilding trust. If he isn’t willing to go with you, it tells you more about his commitment level. Your comfort level with touch will most likely get better with time but you can help it along by seeing a professional.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

Emotional Attachment Issue

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Emotional Attachment Issue. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.