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Controlling Parents

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My boyfriend and I broke up in early November because my friends and family started saying that he was trying to keep me from them and started a rumor that he was a woman beater. My best friend heard this rumor and called my mother which in return she freaked out on my boyfriend. This rumor is not true, he has never laid a hand on me. Me and my boyfriend could not survive the rumors because and I tried to defend my parents. Since then I moved out of his house and into my parents. My parents are over bearing and undermine everything I do with my 5 year old child. I am 27 years old and afraid to tell my parents that I want to work things out with my ex boyfriend, I’m afraid to talk to him on the phone around my parents, or see him. My parents told me that if i ever moved back in with him that they would try to take my daughter from me. I am a good mother and have done nothing to deserve this. Please help I need an outside source.

Controlling Parents

Answered by on -

A.

As a mother and 27-year-old your first priority is to find more independence. Your parents have too much say in your life — you are an adult and a being treated like a child. You need to plan to get out from under their control and influence. My guess is you’re living at home for financial reasons. It is time to make a plan to change that. The psychological process of this is called individuation. The goal would be to not live with your boyfriend, but to find a way to be less dependent on your parents and more self-reliant.

Right now your parents have too much say into your life because you are relying on them. Even if the plan takes a year to carry out — I believe you need to move toward greater freedom. You may want to get some advice and help from the local woman center. Most counties have one, and they can help you find resources to achieve this goal. I know this may seem difficult, but the woman’s center can help, and low-cost counseling through you community hospital can be an additional resource. Until you are out from under your parent’s influence — they will continue to have more say in your life than you want.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Controlling Parents

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Controlling Parents. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 11, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/29/controlling-parents/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.