Hello, I’m currently a 14 year old girl (turning 15 in May) and I am soon going to finish my second year at the same school. I had been living elsewhere with a completely different lifestyle. Due to financial issues I had been forced to move to my hometown with my family but without my father. During my first year here I had been severely depressed. At times I was highly tempted to cut my arms or simply climb up to the roof and jump but luckily I refused to do either. During this time I refused to speak to anyone and I had noticeably started spending more time with my online ‘friends’. This continued on for several months and when school had started it seemingly got worse. I had made one friend during my first year, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that she had also been in a somewhat similar situation I would have never spoken to her.
Unfortunately she left for Canada and I’d ended up back at square one. I had thought that my second year might have been better, but I was proven wrong. Apparently I’ve become “stone hard and ice cold” according to others but the truth is I’ve simply been more frightened. Teasing had also begun this year but I’m still unable to decide whether I should consider it bullying or not.
I have made a few attempts to open up to others, for instance I made cupcakes for some people I generally hang around with just a few days ago and I’ve attempted to speak up. Yet, I feel as if they don’t accept me. It’s as if everyone has already made their own groups and there’s no room for me. It also doesn’t help that I’m called “alien” and “mute” in school. Previously I had been a quiet girl, but it wasn’t nearly as severe as it is now. I have spoken to these issues with my mother and have asked her to take me to a therapist so that I can see if all my problems are normal or if I should be concerned. She refused to do so and instead I was given a lecture about how ungrateful I am and how she’s disappointed in me. Am I over thinking everything or do I have the right to worry? (age 14, from Pakistan)
You may be over thinking it, but you also have reason to worry. You are at an age in which peers and social relationships are very important, so I can see how not feeling like you have friends could be very concerning to you. However, from your mother’s perspective it may not seem like that big of a deal — certainly not bad enough to seek professional help. It also sounds like you aren’t as depressed as you were right after the move, which is good, but I’m wondering if you spoke to your mom about your feelings then. If she understands how hard all the changes have been for you she might be more supportive… and it’s not too late to do that.
If you don’t get anywhere with your mom, I would suggest that you speak to your school counselor or nurse, as well as looking into resources on your own. I’m not familiar with the services in your country, but in the US adolescents can initiate therapy on their own for at least a few sessions. You might also be able to find a free support group in your community that might be helpful.
Otherwise, you are doing the right things by trying hard to make friends. The more situations you are in, the more likely it is that you will connect to someone. So I would recommend joining clubs or sports, look for volunteer opportunities, etc. Keep trying and it will pay off in the end. Whatever you do, just don’t give up.
Two Years After Moving and I’m Still Lonely
Holly Counts, Psy.D.
Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.
APA Reference Counts, H. (2018). Two Years After Moving and I’m Still Lonely. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 11, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/28/two-years-after-moving-and-im-still-lonely/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.