Three years ago was talking to a male friend, which I didn’t have a problem with. Than he started to get intimate with her over the phone. She didn’t like it so she asked me to block his number. A couple months later the unblocked his number didn’t tell me. I found out got upset and we argued. She told me that if she cant talk to him than i cant use Facebook. And that was fine by me. Our relationship is more important than Facebook. Two months ago I was out of town for work and she new I was going to call her when we both got off at 5:00PM. The first day I was gone she didn’t answer at 5:00 and than finally called be back around 6:00PM. The second day I told I was going to dinner with the company so I would call her around 8:00PM. When that time came she didn’t answer my calls or text me back unit 1:00AM. I asked her what she was doing and she said she fell asleep. During that time waiting for her to call me I was concerned about her well being and I checked her call log on her phone to see if she might be with someone I know. When reading that I saw that a couple weeks prior to me going out of town she called a guy over 15 times in one day. The day before when she didn’t answer me she called a guy instead of me. And than later come to find out she was talking to a guy for 5 hours that night and that is why she didn’t answer me. We argued and than I forgave her and we were doing good again. A couple weeks later she called another guy and tried to hide it and she lied about it. So we are currently separated and she still wants to work on it. I don’t know what to do. She tells me I have to trust her for this to work, but after all this it is going to be hard to. Is she not interested in me? I’m lost?
She hasn’t given you much to trust in this relationship. She has lied repeatedly, made promises she has broken, and made a conscious, deliberate decision to talk to someone else rather than keep her promise to talk with you. It sounds like she wants you to trust that she will keep doing what she is doing.
Unless I missed it — she hasn’t said that she will stop doing things that hurt you, has she? Lying, breaking promises, and betraying you has been her track-record. Unless there is a specific effort for her to change — it seems like she just wants you to accept it. You are separated because what she’s doing became intolerable. Unless you want to repeatedly get hurt — it is time to move on.
Girlfriend Hiding Conversations with Other Men
Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Girlfriend Hiding Conversations with Other Men. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/28/girlfriend-hiding-conversations-with-other-men/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.