Drinking is a symptom of your emotional suffering. You drink to drown your pain. The biggest problem is that your misperceptions about counseling are preventing you from attending counseling.
There is no reason to “feel stupid.” It’s a fallacy to believe that people are born knowing how to solve their problems. We don’t have that mentality about physical health problems. We shouldn’t have that mentality about mental health problems.
Counseling is confidential. Most everything you say in therapy is private. Therapists can break confidentiality only when his or her client presents a risk of serious harm (i.e. threats of suicide and homicide) to themselves or to others. Your revealing who bullied you is not a reason to break confidentiality.
You obviously know that something is wrong. You recognize that drinking is an ineffective solution. The mistake you made was canceling your therapy sessions. You were on the right track when you chose counseling. You can correct that by getting back to counseling. Start your first session by discussing your fears about counseling. Bring it all up to your therapist and do so in the first five minutes of your first session. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle