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I Want People to Hurt Me

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Sometimes, I want guys to hurt me physically or rape me. It doesn’t feel wrong (I don’t know why, but my emotions are basically turned off), but I know that’s not anywhere near normal. It’s nothing that sexually arouses me; I often feel a need for punishment even though I can’t think of anything I’ve done wrong. I’ve been raped almost a year ago. I tried looking this up, but either I’m doing something wrong, or not too many people have experienced this.

I Want People to Hurt Me

Answered by on -


You wrote that you want to be hurt by men, but intellectually you know it is wrong. That is a very insightful observation.

Your feelings may stem from the trauma of rape. The aftermath of sexual assault can include emotional numbness, depression, self-blame and other psychological difficulties. It’s best to discuss these issues with a specially-trained sexual trauma therapist. Counseling could help you explore your feelings in more depth and avoid future danger. A risk is that you might engage in relationships with abusive people. Counseling could help you avoid choosing the wrong partners and friends.

It was good that you recognized this as a potential problem. You should meet with a counselor to ensure that you don’t allow people into your life who could hurt you. Counseling could reduce the possibility of you being hurt. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I Want People to Hurt Me

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). I Want People to Hurt Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.