Thank you for writing in with your question. I think you need to take a few steps back and stop worrying so much about sex and what others think of you and start working on your relationship with yourself. You have had some negative experiences which have contributed to your lack of confidence and poor self-image. It is upsetting when others objectify us, but it is even more harmful when we treat ourselves this way. You are much more than just a sexual being and you need to find ways to realize this. The more comfortable and confident you are with yourself, the more you will communicate this to potential partners, which in turn will draw more respectful partners to you.
My advice is to work on your self-esteem first, then focus on becoming more comfortable in social situations. Take sex off the table and just start going on lots of dates. Have fun. If you aren’t ready for one on one interactions you can begin by going out with a small group of people, followed by some double dates, and work your way up to one on one casual dating. You learned a lot from your past relationship but it’s time to move on and begin to have new experiences. Your comfort level with physical intimacy will return in time. If you need help with any of this, please consider seeing a therapist.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts