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Help Me Change

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I’m a 21 year old female. I spent most of my life isolated and in violent fears and nightmares after witnessing my mother’s suicide at the age of six. After a long dark and Depressed teenage, I still am struggling to lead a normal life. I’ve been trying to act normal for the past four years, only to suddenly find now that I’ve only been trying to please anybody at any cost.

I feel stagnant, void and alone again, intensively daydreaming all the time. I really want to get out of this mess. I tried telling some elders about this, but they don’t believe me as I get straight A’s in anything without much effort. They say that my loneliness may be due to pride about my talents.

Without any help, I will spend the rest of my life daydreaming me as perfect girl adored by everyone.

Help Me Change

Answered by on -

A.

Typically, people-pleasing behavior is a way to avoid confrontation. Being so agreeable is also an attempt to make others like you. The more people like you, the more you might like yourself. It is human nature to want to be liked. Once you develop a solid sense of self-esteem, the need to be liked by others and to have their approval should dissipate.

Self-esteem is derived from accomplishments. Your earning straight A’s is an accomplishment. This objective feedback should add to the development of your self-esteem. With continued accomplishments, you’ll eventually no longer need the approval of others.

There are many other areas in life, besides academics, where one needs to achieve accomplishments. Could these be lacking in your life? Are there things that you would like to have or be able to do that you can’t do or haven’t yet done? Counseling might help you develop in these areas, if they do exist.

Having lost your mother and having witnessed her suicide undoubtedly has had a major impact on your life. Such a tremendous loss is likely factoring in to your stagnation.

You are an ideal candidate for counseling. You tried speaking to your elders, but they don’t quite understand what you are going through. That’s why you could benefit from consulting a trained mental health professional. Counseling could help you deal with the aftermath of losing your mother. It could also help you explore what is motivating your behavior and how to alter it. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Help Me Change

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Help Me Change. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/18/help-me-change/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 18 Apr 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.