Home » Ask the Therapist » Personal Growth and Relationships

Personal Growth and Relationships

Asked by on with 1 answer:

My boyfriend broke up with me after he got tired of me talking about my ex and comparing my ex relationships. My problem is that I treated him bad as a mechanism of defense to see if he was able to take me anyways. But he gave up. I don’t really know if it’s right what I did or not. Now I wanna be back with him but he says that I am too immature and I need to grow in order for us to be together which I don’t know how to do. In the meanwhile we keep talking, but he is so cold when he answers me back. I know he’s been hurt for all the comparison with my ex boyfriend, but I had to treat him bad to see if he would stay through the thick things too. I did not know it was gonna hurt him that much. I wanna grow with him and for him but i dont know what to do.

Personal Growth and Relationships

Answered by on -


Your ex-boyfriend is telling you that you made a mistake. It’s important that you understand what mistake you made so that you don’t make it again.

In essence, you abused him and he was not willing to tolerate it. You may not have intended to abuse him, but intentions don’t matter much. It’s actions that matter the most.

What your mistake also shows is that you may not know how to have healthy relationships. If you want to have healthy and more successful relationships in the future, then it is advisable to learn from your mistakes and make corrections. Otherwise, you might make those same mistakes in future relationships.

I would recommend counseling. Counseling could help you explore how your behavior may have contributed to the demise of your relationship and how to behave differently in future relationships. If you don’t learn these lessons, then you may go on to have many unsuccessful relationships. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Personal Growth and Relationships

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Personal Growth and Relationships. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.