There is no disorder that I am aware of in which the main symptom is having the urge to hurt others.
When you’re around people, you experience a particular set of symptoms. You sweat and “tingle a little on the inside.” You feel it in your abdomen. You may be describing social anxiety.
Perhaps your social anxiety makes you feel out of control, fearful or frustrated. In an attempt to suppress those unpleasant emotions, an urge to hurt people arises.
Being in the presence of others is not the only time you feel the urge to hurt people. It also happens when you’re alone. You indulge those feelings by contemplating gruesome murder stories. In addition, you carry a bladed weapon. That all increases the possibility that you might harm someone.
It’s important that you do what is necessary to control your urges. In my opinion, what is necessary is therapy. Therapy can help you to understand the origin of your urges and more importantly, develop effective coping strategies for your strong emotions. Therapy might also help you to manage your ADD and dyslexia.
By your own admission, you are worried that you might kill someone. That recognition should prompt you to seek help; it is the most responsible course of action.
Killing would also destroy your life. You could be sentenced to the death penalty and face execution. Prison is hell on earth. Seeking help could prevent a great deal of suffering for both you and for others, and it would ensure a better quality of life. I hope that you make the right choice and seek help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristian Randle