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When Is It Too Soon for My Kids and Me to Move in with a Boyfriend?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From the U.S.: I’ve been separated from my husband of 5 years for a year on and off. A month ago I moved into a friend’s home with my children (my husband is not their father). I have been dating a previous boyfriend with whom I was serious with. He’s asked me to move in with him, what would be to soon for my children and I to move into a home with another man? My children do adore him but have some problems with his teenage daughter. They all get along for the most part. There is a lot more to the story but this is the gist of it.

When Is It Too Soon for My Kids and Me to Move in with a Boyfriend?

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sure there is a lot more to the story. I can’t tell you what to do. I can only give you some impressions from your letter:

You’ve been separated from your husband “on and off.” That says to me that you still have work to do to resolve that relationship. You also say that your husband is not the kids’ father. That suggests that you have had difficulty finding the right guy and sustaining a relationship. For those reasons, I don’t think it would be fair to you, your boyfriend or your kids for you to take such a big step like moving in with your boyfriend. You have personal work to do.

Kids need stability. Please don’t move in with another man until you are divorced from your husband and you have dealt with whatever issues you have with men. Most important, don’t move in with someone until you are as sure as is possible that it is permanent. I suggest you make an appointment with a therapist who can hear your whole story and who can give you more complete guidance than I can.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

When Is It Too Soon for My Kids and Me to Move in with a Boyfriend?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). When Is It Too Soon for My Kids and Me to Move in with a Boyfriend?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/13/when-is-it-too-soon-for-my-kids-and-me-to-move-in-with-boyfriend/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.