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Dealing with My Boyfriend Having Children and Trust Issues

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My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. I moved to another state to be with him after not knowing each other for long. He is 28 and I am 21. He has two kids with different mothers, one he was married too. I told him at the beginning of the relationship that I have trust issues because every guy I’ve dated has cheated on me with their ex. He said he understood and would be willing to help me with it because obviously he has to talk to the mothers of his children. All I asked was to be in the loop and part of what is going on, and I asked that he didn’t keep things hidden from me. However, ever since I’ve moved here, he has been keeping everything so secretive and acting so shady. He only talks to his ex when I’m not around or asleep, if she texts or calls him he deletes it and denies it happening. I know that all they talk about it their daughter, but I don’t understand why he has to keep everything from me. He straight up lies to my face about it. I’ve recently caught him in hiding things from me and when I ask him why he does it, he says because he doesn’t want me to get mad. I keep reassuring him that if he is just honest with me then I won’t get mad. The only thing I get mad about is the lying and hiding things from me. He also always says I’m mad. He will ask me what is wrong or why im mad literally at least 10 times a day every single day. I can be perfectly fine, cooking, playing a game on my phone, sitting and enjoying the weather ect. And he will still always ask me. I don’t understand. I’m getting to the point that I’m starting to resent him and get annoyed with him because I feel no emotional connection because I can’t trust him and he is always putting my mood down by asking what is wrong. I don’t know what to do.

Dealing with My Boyfriend Having Children and Trust Issues

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A.

If your boyfriend says he lies to you and hides things from you to keep from getting mad, it isn’t working. He’s done it several times, and when you find out you get mad. His thinking and strategy isn’t effective — it’s that simple. Him picking and choosing and hiding and lying isn’t going to work. I’d be clear and direct about this. This makes his argument weak at best. It is time for to speak up and say what is a priority. Tell him his transparency is what you need to help you dealt. I would even go so far as to say if you can’t do this it may be a deal-breaker.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Dealing with My Boyfriend Having Children and Trust Issues

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Dealing with My Boyfriend Having Children and Trust Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/13/dealing-with-my-boyfriend-having-children-and-trust-issues/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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