My husband overreacts over the smallest of things. His reaction to any problem is to yell, say rude things to me, completely ignore me and sleep in a separate room. I try to talk to him about why he’s so upset but he never opens up. This continues for days and I am finding that it is taking a toll on my mental well being. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t work, and I can’t enjoy life. After a few days, he will crawl into bed and try to kiss and hug me but never actually apologizes. He thinks that this is enough and that I should be fine with it. The more this happens, the more I find I am withdrawing. I tell him this and he swears he will do better and it will never happen again but it always does.
When you’re not in a crisis with him, it will be time to have a chat. There are three things you want to communicate during this time. First, let him know his behavior is no longer acceptable. Explain the pattern that you are experience with him, and the fact that it has taken a toll on you emotionally. Talk about it from the “I” perspective. This isn’t about blaming him — it is about explaining your feelings and reactions.
Secondly, give details that you have not held up your end of the relationship by not confronting the issue and allowing him to crawl back into bed. Give reasons why this needs to change.
Finally, tell him how much the relationship means to you and that you don’t want to keep getting hurt. Make it clear that you want both of you to get professional help. Ask if he will go to couples therapy with you. If he say he won’t — then it is time for you to go on your own.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Husband Overreacts. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/11/my-husband-overreacts/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.