My husband has a “special bond” those are his words, with a female coworker of his they have breakfast and lunches 2 to 4 times a week. She is the only one he calls and she is the first one he texts everyday. I have told him again and again I don’t like it. The more I complain about it the more he does it.He is very secretive about her , this has been going on now for 3 years that I know. Of course he says they are just friends. If I am around her they act like they don’t know each other. I have tried to like her but something rubs me the wrong way with her. I can’t put my finger on it but something isn’t right. He will not share anything about her, he is very protective of her.She says she is married and I have met the supposed husband, he’s a very nice guy, but something isn’t right. He has lied about where she lives, if I have to work late , you can bet he is going to meet her for drinks.I admit I act like a crazy woman when it comes to their relationship, because this is totally out of character for him.We have been married for 34 years we have 4 sons. Since he has become friends with her, he is drifting farther and farther away from our marriage. He says I’m crazy or he puts the blame on someone else.I told him she gets the good side of him I get the bad side of him. I’m at my wits end.
Your concerns are valid. It’s inappropriate for your husband to be engaged in any type of “special” relationship outside of the marriage. It is simply not acceptable.
While he may not be having a sexual affair, he seems to be having an emotional affair. Typically, emotional affairs are more threatening to relationships than sexual affairs. Sexual relationships tend to be shallow and unemotional whereas emotional relationships are characteristically deep and intimate.
His relationship with his coworker is not just a harmless “special bond.” Emotional affairs often lead to divorce.
This matter should be addressed in marriage counseling. Counseling could help save your marriage.
Ultimately, in order for your marriage to survive, he will have to end his relationship with his coworker.
If he is unwilling to participate in counseling or end his relationship with his coworker, then you should began individual counseling. A therapist can help you to navigate the relationship with your husband and provide guidance and emotional support. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Husband & His Female Coworker
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Husband & His Female Coworker. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/04/03/husband-his-female-coworker/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 3 Apr 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.