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I Can’t Stand Myself Any More

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I am married for a year and a half, I found out that my husband is cheating on me like 3 months ago, recently also I discovered that he is cheating on me before we got married like for four years and not with one girl. I don’t know how he can manage all of them at the same time none of us knows this my second marriage am shocked he does not know that I found out about anything, I feel like I lost myself, I don’t want to think about him I want to think about myself I lost myself for a long time. I can’t even stop thing if he is texting them , seeing them. Even in at sex I can’t imagine myself with him I started to make any excuse to not do it.

I am getting crazy about my thoughts. I want myself back I want to change myself for me not for anyone I want to improve my personality I want to destroy everything negative about me. I want to think with my mind not with my heart, I want to be strong person. Please help me. (From Australia)

I Can’t Stand Myself Any More

Answered by on -

A.

 I appreciate the strong feelings that go along with this level of betrayal. It is hard to overcome. Unfortunately if his acts of betrayal are as ingrained as you say they are, then the opportunity for the two of you to recover as a couple is very problematic. A betrayal in a marriage is one of the more difficult situations to deal with. If his infidelity preceded the marriage by several years, it means he’s used to lying and betraying you. I cannot imagine it is possible to trust him in the future — there is too little in your relationship to build on.

While it is sad and unfortunate that he is this way, it is not something that you can avoid dealing with. While I almost always suggest couples counseling as a vehicle for healing, in this instance I recommend you use it as a way to end the relationship. Have a therapist present when you inform him of what you know. This will help with you transitioning out of the marriage.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Can’t Stand Myself Any More

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Can’t Stand Myself Any More. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/03/25/i-cant-stand-myself-any-more/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.