For the last few months, specifically starting on November, I’ve been feeling very depressed and confused. Something happened in November that made me feel worthless and horrible. I lost interest in everything, and lost motivation in life as well. So, that depressive state stayed for a week or two and then my mind started getting all muddled and crazy.
I don’t know if this is normal, but for a few days, I’m happy and actually feeling fine (even though I know I have these weird and disturbing thoughts at night or at the back of my head) but then suddenly at one point (mostly at night) I get depressed and I feel like my mind is split into two opposing sides and I don’t know which side is right. One part of me says, “Maybe there is something wrong with me and maybe I do need to get help” but another part of me says, “No, those thoughts are all in your head… You just think/want to have a mental illness or problem… You want attention…etc.” So, I go crazy thinking about these and I have a mini-breakdown and I feel like punching something.
Also, another huge part of me thinks that I want to be depressed or have some kind of issue… (I don’t know why) and if I do talk to someone about this “thing” (situation?), I’m just going to make a fool out of myself and that someone will say that this is normal and you’re just overthinking everything,
Another thing is, since I experience these changes in mood when I’m by myself, I feel like these mood changes and ideas of having a mental illness are all in my head and since no one else can see me feeling depressed, I don’t have depression…
That’s the jist of what’s going on in my head (there are other thoughts that I have but it’s hard to explain or go into). So I just really want to know, if this is normal (I keep thinking it’s maybe PMS or just puberty…and I’m just making a mental illness the scapegoat) or I should talk to someone about it. I hope what I wrote makes sense… Feel like they’re all over the place.