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On Again Off Again

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I’m going trough a bad break up of 8 years and trying to cope with this on again off again relationship. I’ve been dating this guy for 8 years. He is my first and only love. But the problem is that for 8 years I’ve been in an off again on again relationship and it is driving me crazy. Whenever things get tough or he makes a mistake or I make a mistake we argue and he leaves. Sometimes it is just a few days; sometimes it is few weeks and sometimes even a few months. We broke up like a week ago and I’m a mess I do not sleep, do not eat, and I hate myself for letting he put me through this again. My parents and my friend are sick of his behavior nobody understands why he does what he does I mean I’m not perfect either but to leave every time a problem occurs what is that all about. What is worse I cannot talk to him he doesn’t listen and he does not pick up my calls he is mad and does not to have anything to do with me .. But I know that he will cool down and come again, and we will talk and he will act like he cares and then at a first fight he leaves. Why is he doing that I’m mean we’ve been together for 8 years and I still don’t understand it I still do not feel wanted or loved but rather like a toy. What the heck am I suppose to do this time? (From Bosnia)

On Again Off Again

Answered by on -


After eight years it is time to let it go. If in all this time you are left with only heartache, what are you fighting for? Here is a man who has proven — over and over again — not to be able to work through the rough spots. The work now is to grieve the relationship. At 24 you don’t want to extend the misery. Gather your friends and family around you — develop a support network for making the break. If it hasn’t gone well in eight years — there isn’t much to build on. Be thankful for the good times you had during the relationship, but now it is time to grieve — now is time to find a love who knows how to balance themselves during disagreements. You deserve that in your life, don’t you?

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

On Again Off Again

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). On Again Off Again. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 21 Mar 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.