I’m gay and I have a preference for older men. I’m putting that out there first.
I met a man who was a very nice, handsome man who I truly do care for. We’ve only been in a relationship together for 7 months, but we’ve had so much done together within that time.
He promised to propose to me after I graduate from college. And for the first 2 months of our relationship, it was nice. But for the last 4 months, he’s been constantly busy with his family (which I understand) and has had health issues.
I still feel strongly for this man, but I’m unsure of where our relationship stands now. We both know we want to make it work and want a happy relationship together. But whenever I’m available, he’s not and vice versa (me being in school and him with his family and health issues). We stay in contact as much as we possibly can, but even the conversations are becoming short and hostile.
The important thing is for you to keep your eyes on the prize. Finishing college now is the most important thing. Do what you can to bring your attention back to the work at hand.
As it happens in most relationships we learn more about a partner as time goes on, and that information changes our feelings toward them. What had been good for the first couple of months now seems strange and difficult. I wouldn’t try to make anything happen either way. Let this relationship follow its course. If this is a timing and availability struggle only — then it will change — and both of you will be more available to the other. If the timing issue has revealed a lack of incompatibility, you will at least not have over-invested and kept up with your studies.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Younger/Older Gay Relationship. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/03/17/youngerolder-gay-relationship/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.