Me and my partner have been in a relationship for 5 years now and everything was fine until I got pregnant with our daughter. When I was pregnant I would find it hard to finish of sex with him due to uncomfort. One night I woke up to him touching me and masturbating, I had a go at him and told him not to do it again. This happened several times until I woke up to him on top of me having sex. I shouted at him again and he said that I would lie in an arousing position? He did this until our daughter was born no matter what I said.
After the baby was born we didn’t have sex because I was still bleeding for three weeks. I thought it had gone back to normal until one night I woke up to him lying on me from behind just finishing. I asked him if he had fully had sex with me and ejaculated with no protection and he had. That was the first time we had sex since the baby was born and I didn’t consent or wasn’t even awake. I had to go to a clinic and get the morning after pill to prevent getting pregnant again.
I felt violated and don’t want him to touch me, we started sleeping apart until I could trust him to not to touch me without my consent but we are still arguing and I don’t want to have sex with him anymore and we don’t even cuddle I don’t know what to do as we have a 5-month-old daughter together? Now when we try to have sex he’s so rough with me he hurts and I have to tell him at least 3 times to stop. His sexual behavior is too much for me he even grabs me when I’m attending to the baby. He only started this when I got pregnant? He was normal before I just don’t understand what I’m doing to make him like this now?
You’re not doing anything to “make him” be like this. Apparently something unhinged your guy when he couldn’t have free access to sex while you were pregnant and recovering from birth. He can’t manage it that he has to share you with your child either.
What he is doing is abuse. He doesn’t take you seriously when you tell him to stop. He isn’t showing you love or respect. Tell him to leave and mean it. The situation is already getting worse. I’m very worried about you and the baby.
The two of you got together when you were only 15. Making a baby doesn’t make someone into an adult. It appears that you have grown up and he hasn’t.
Please look into whether there is a domestic violence program in your area. You need some practical help and some emotional support. If you can’t afford your flat on your own, I hope you have family members or friends who will take you and your baby in. You need to get away from your boyfriend — the sooner the better.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
My Boyfriend Tries to Force Sex on Me
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Tries to Force Sex on Me. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/03/11/my-boyfriend-tries-to-force-sex-on-me/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Mar 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.