I’m sorry that you are faced with this issue. I would agree that your lack of socialization most likely factors into your depression. The desire to socialize is a fundamental part of being human.
The awkwardness you feel when around other people is understandable given your lack of exposure. You haven’t had the opportunity to socialize. When trying new things, it’s normal to feel fear.
It’s important for you to get out of the house and experience new environments and be around others. Your fear will likely diminish the more you interact with others. Is there a community group that you can join? Find out what group activities are available in your community. Then ask your parents and grandparents if you can join.
I receive many letters from teenagers with problems. Many of them are reluctant to tell their parents about their problems because they fear a negative reaction. Their assumptions are often based on fear. I cannot predict how your parents and grandparents will respond to your requesting more socialization, but that should not stop you from asking. It’s that important.
Your desire to socialize is very normal. Socialization and connecting with others is part of normal human development.
Even if you’re frightened, discuss this issue with your parents or grandparents. You might be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle