You might be experiencing these fantasies because you don’t have the skills to cope with your strong feelings. People, who feel as you are feeling, often lack coping skills. They are suffering and feeling immense psychological pain but are ill-equipped to handle these emotions in a healthy way.
Fantasies about killing are not uncommon. They are, however, not “normal” because they indicate suffering and extreme psychological distress. Both fantasies about homicide and suicide might be thought of as a maladaptive response to psychological stress.
They can also occur when someone feels powerlessness and hopelessness.
There are many ways people try to cope with strong feelings. Some of them are healthy and some of them are not. For instance, using drugs and alcohol as a way to escape strong and unpleasant feelings, is maladaptive. It might provides temporary relief but most often makes the problem worse. Meditation and exercising are healthy ways of dealing with stress.
Every human being faces problems. It’s how one deals with these problems that makes their life more or less successful. Problem-solving skills can be learned from our parents or other role models and most importantly they can be learned from counseling.
Clearly, you are suffering. When you recognize that a problem exists, you should seek help. Writing to me at Psych Central is a good first step, but it’s not enough. You should ask your parents to assist you in finding a counselor. You should inform them about your depression and thoughts of suicide. Counseling could help you tremendously.
Finally, if you feel as though you might harm yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to the emergency room. The staff can keep you and others safe. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle