Thank you for writing in with your question and for including so many details. As much as I’d like to give you a definitive answer, I’m unable to do so. Some of your symptoms could certainly lead to suspicions of abuse, but some could be explained in other ways. For instance, your description of your behavior with your dolls: sexualized behavior in children who should not yet know what sex is can be indicative of sexual abuse, but some sexual curiosity, and even exploration, is quite normal. The frequency of your masturbation is also probably higher than most for females your age, but you may have associated the feelings to self-soothing attempts and reinforced the behavior in ways that others don’t.
Some of the problems you have listed can be anxiety related, such as fear of sleeping alone and in the dark, your fears of water on your face and your self-harm behavior, but again, it could mean that something traumatic happened to you that initiated the fears. I do think it is odd that you have such negative reactions to affection from family members.
I think your best bet would be to find a therapist to work with. Not only may therapy help you explore the possibility of repressed abuse, but more importantly, it will help you reduce the unwanted behaviors and symptoms that you are having.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts