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Confused about My Relationship with My Friend

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This issue I have is with my friend vie known him for about five years and in that fives he would talk about gay rights gay topics and make sexual innuendos and would insinuate that I was gay so I asked him if he was bisexual and he told me that he was straight but goes to gay bars and then later on tells me he was bisexual and the tells me few days later that he never said it so then he met his girlfriend at the time and he was gong to marry her and he wanted me to be his best man I was a bit freaked out by it but remained calm I then wrote him a letter telling me that I love him he responded to me that he wasn’t interested and he wanted to move on with his life and cut ties with me 3 months later we became friends again and he left his girlfriend and since then he told me that he cared about me not referencing that because we are friends he cares just said I care about you and we have been closer then ever and he’s very involve in my personal life and gets up set when we talk about things and I don’t follow through on them and also he tells me every thing that goes on in his life to the point that if he dies what he has cover he has for his kids and his ex wife also we talk to each other like we are all ready together if that makes sense- just need some advice on how to approach this because I don’t want to get hurt again and he also told me in the future he wants to sell his home and move to country and live there permanently why is he telling me this. If someone asked me if we were friends I would say yes but if I thought about it I wouldn’t know what to say because friends don’t do this to each other. (From Australia)

Confused about My Relationship with My Friend

Answered by on -


Your friend sounds like he is confused about his sexuality, along with his life’s direction. I wouldn’t place too much stock in making plans that include intimate partnership with him. Friendship, perhaps, but he doesn’t sound like he is focused on being together with you.

Rather than using him as a North Star in your life it may be better to think more about what is important to you, and what kind of relationship you need in your life. Individual counseling can help with this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Confused about My Relationship with My Friend

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Confused about My Relationship with My Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 26 Feb 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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