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Will He Ever Love Me as Much as I Love Him?

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I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and I’m head over heels for him. He on the other hand recently told me that he knows in his head and his heart that he feels love for me, but he isn’t able to tell me that he loves me… He was in a relationship for 7 years where in the end his girlfriend cheated and broke it off and I guess he’s scared of getting hurt again. I thought that by giving him time he would eventually see that I was no threat. I even wrote him a letter where I spilled my feelings and still nothing from him. In my head I already saw myself married with children to him and it’s eating me from the inside knowing that he’s just not that into our relationship. I’ve met his whole family and I’m the second girl he’s introduced to his parents but I don’t know if it means that much. I’m lost and I’m unhappy but I love him and I just don’t see myself leaving him because he’s the best person I know! I feel like I’m drowning in my love for him with no one to save me…

I do everything to be the perfect girlfriend and so that he sees that I would be a good wife and mother. Any other guy would be lucky to have me but I want no one else but him. I desperately need advice on how to deal with this because it’s been driving me insane.
Thanks. (From Switzerland)

Will He Ever Love Me as Much as I Love Him?

Answered by on -

A.

Your letter is very powerful to read. Thank you for sending it to us. It would be hard to find an interaction with him that can change his mind and behavior. It sounds like something he will have to work on on its own. It works like this: If you have to do something to get him to tell you he loves you, then if feels like he is only doing it because of what you’ve done. It won’t feel genuine. Since you have already had a heart-to-heart talk the next thing is to do is to unhook from this need from him. Your work is to stay in the relationship while cultivating less dependency, and more individuation. When we need too much from another person it can limit our own growth. As you unhook more from this need it may give him a chance to sort this through on his own. In doing this, if you don’t feel better within three months, I recommend some couple’s counseling around the issue.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Will He Ever Love Me as Much as I Love Him?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Will He Ever Love Me as Much as I Love Him?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/02/21/will-he-ever-love-me-as-much-as-i-love-him/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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