My Dad passed away a little over a year ago after a 13-year battle with cancer. Everyone in my family mourns him, but I never grieved and all I feel is relief. It doesn’t hurt me the way it does my siblings…it really doesn’t hurt me at all.
I’ve never been that close to my Dad and even though everyone said he loved me dearly it rarely ever showed once I passed a certain age. All I remember after about age 7 is trying to avoid him as much as possible (he tried to throw me out of the house at 7 while my mother just stood there and watched). After that, the same type of interactions were common between us. He would throw a knife at me, shove me into counters, completely lose his temper over something as simple as asking to stay after at school. But this only happened to me. He doted on the younger three.
Everyone expects me to be upset and sad and cry. But I can’t. Everyone keeps saying what a good guy he was and how they “know how much I must miss him.” But I don’t! And it makes me angry to hear everyone say that. All I feel is relief that he is gone. It sounds awful and I feel like I’m a bad daughter and older sister for thinking that. I’ve not told anyone in my family this. Is this a normal response to the death of a parent? And to feel guilt that I am not sad at all about his death? (From Guam)