The nature of your current thinking is worrisome. Your thinking may indicate a break with reality, also known as a psychosis. Psychosis occurs when someone has difficulty distinguishing what is real from what is not real.
You described several delusional beliefs including strangers laughing at you, that you are living in “The Matrix” or “The Truman Show,” and believing that you are God. Delusions are a sign of psychosis.
You also described having a frightening experience while being high. That experience led you to question reality and whether or not anything is real. That particular type of delusion is called a nihilistic delusion. It involves the belief that nothing is real.
Diagnosis over the Internet is impossible which is why it is important for you to undergo an evaluation by a mental health professional. You should also stop using drugs. I receive many letters from individuals who seem to experience psychosis-like symptoms after using drugs. We don’t know if drug use causes mental illness but it does exacerbate symptoms of mental illness. It would be dangerous for you to continue to use drugs.
You should not ignore your symptoms. Research consistently shows that untreated psychosis is associated with a poor prognosis. It is extremely important to intervene sooner rather than later. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle