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I Am Introverted and Lonely

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From the U.S: My issue is that I want to meet new people, but it is hard when you are an introvert. I do have a few friends that I can rely on, but we meet up infrequently and I know I would be happier with a more active social life.

I have done a little research on my own and I know the answer is to find an activity or hobby which will breed new relationships, but even that feels so forced when you are the new person in the group. Also, it is hard to find a group that is one that I would like. I am very picky with people which is one of the reasons I’m not that social because I become easily agitated at things people say.

I have recently graduated college and I want more out of my life than working and coming home to an empty apartment. I am single and I would like to be in a relationship, but like I said it is hard for me to approach people because I don’t usually know what to say or I fear being rejected or sounding stupid. I go the gym and I see a lot of good looking girls there but they are busy working out with headphones on or talking to other guys it seems like. I am also not really into the bar scene, but maybe I should be I don’t know. I have thought about going back to church, but people there seem to forceful with their beliefs and don’t want to talk to you unless it is about the God or the church.

I know I am smart and a good person, and when I get comfortable with people I am social and it usually makes me feel better. I know this is an important part of life, but sometimes I just feel really alone and don’t know how to change it. I would be open to therapy if I could afford it or if it is covered by my insurance when I start working. Thanks for any help.

I Am Introverted and Lonely

Answered by on -

A.

It looks to me like your problem isn’t that you are an introvert. Your problem is that you don’t give people much of a chance. For every possible avenue for meeting people that you mentioned, you had a reason why it wouldn’t work. I assure you: Not everyone at the gym, the church, or any group is the same. Every person is as unique as you are. Yes, some people simply won’t be a match. But I’m reasonably certain that in any group of people there is someone much like yourself who is trying to decide if you are approachable.

Focus on the activity, not on your goal of meeting people. Find something to do that will add meaning to your life and that attracts people who are about your age. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. Take some kind of lessons like dancing or join a singing group or hiking club. It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you have some genuine interest in it. Then go long enough that you give yourself and other people a chance to get comfortable. It will enrich your life and increase your social options.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Am Introverted and Lonely

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Am Introverted and Lonely. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/02/16/i-am-introverted-and-lonely/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.