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I Don’t Need Much to Become Angry

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From the U.K: I have 2 small children, married for 5 years. I am a student as well. I find myself getting angry very easy about little things, and I feel I can not cope anymore with all the running of the household, husband and studying. My husband is a very cold person and this affects me a lot too. Every time I try to speak to him (and I did try a lot) he just never listens. I keep going on about the fact that we need time for ourselves but he is always saying he is busy (he works shifts) or he is too tired, or just wants to chill out at home.
I love my children very much but sometimes after a stressful day with them I feel like packing my bags and go. I know they all love me but my husband very rarely shows it these days …
He is doing an open university as well so we are very busy but I feel that this has added to more work on my side (household stuff) and him just being more absent. I am struggling a lot, I often think to leave him but I don’t have the guts because of the children. He is a fantastic dad but I feel I am growing apart from him because I never get a looking anymore. I miss the times before we had children, saying this it feels me with guilt because I wouldn’t see my life without my children now. Being a mum, a wife and a student its hard work and I find it very stressful sometimes.
I just need some advice really and some support if possible.

I Don’t Need Much to Become Angry

Answered by on -

A.

I think you are stressed and irritable because your life is too stressful. Ditto for your husband. You’ve both taken on a huge load. Work, school, household, kids. I suspect that neither of you is getting enough sleep or enough couple time.

Unlike other major problems, this one was planned. That doesn’t make it less painful but it does mean that you can rethink it a bit. You both decided to go back to school. I’m guessing that you both felt that that more education will help you and the family have a better future. But maybe you didn’t think through what it would mean to your present.

Is it possible for you and your husband to alternate terms so that one can pick up the slack at home while the other studies? Is there a way for you to get a little more help like a babysitter for the kids for a few hours of study time on the weekend? If finances don’t allow that, is there a way for you to trade childcare with another student who is a parent so that you each get some uninterrupted time for your school work or for a date with your spouses? Get creative and you may be able to reduce the stress.

I wonder how your are talking to your husband. Without knowing the two of you, I don’t know what exactly you meant when you described him as “cold.” Maybe he is. Or maybe he is as overwhelmed as you are and that’s the way he is showing it.

He may be interpreting your efforts to talk with him as critical or accusatory. If you haven’t already done so, do try to talk to him sympathetically about how hard it must be for him as well. As my grandmother used to say, “you get more bees with honey than with vinegar.”

You two need to be a strong team to get through to graduation. I hope you can start working together to support each other and to achieve your goals.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Don’t Need Much to Become Angry

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Don’t Need Much to Become Angry. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/02/13/i-dont-need-much-to-become-angry/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.