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My Friend Keeps Going Back to Unhealthy Relationship

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From Columbia: My friend dated this guy for about 3 months (never meet him as I was overseas), he took her virginity and a while later they broke up. They kept talking and the new girlfriend of the guy called her to say to stay away, later my friend discovered that he was with the new girlfriend on the same time period he was with her.

The guy had the nerve to keep calling my friend asking for them to be together but at the same time with his girlfriend too, my friend was supposedly serious about not talking to him again and clear on her feelings but they met one day for just sex and the next time they met the guy gave her herpes! (the other girl must have herpes too)

So she was “done” with him after that but the guy kept calling her like really intensely, then they both agree to just leave things as they were. I just found out that they slept again about 2 weeks ago.

My friend keeps saying that she doesn’t have feelings for him but she keeps going back, every time is the last time and I´ve tried to tell her that he isn´t worth of her time, to value herself but a don´t know how to approach her again.

My Friend Keeps Going Back to Unhealthy Relationship

Answered by on -


As frustrating as this is for you, there is little more you can do. Your friend is an adult and is making her own decision. All you can do is love her and be there when she finally comes to her senses.

I worry that she keeps going back because he is the first man she had sex with. Sometimes, in situations like this, the woman keeps returning to what passes for a relationship to justify having made the decision to have sex. He didn’t “take” her virginity. They had consensual sex that she may now regret. She may be putting far too much importance on this guy having been her first.

If that’s the case, you can perhaps reassure her that the first time she has sex isn’t as important as the first time she has sex with someone who loves and cherishes her. This guy isn’t worth her time, her love, or her regrets.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Friend Keeps Going Back to Unhealthy Relationship

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Friend Keeps Going Back to Unhealthy Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Feb 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.