I’ve been having problems lately with pedophilia. I’ve never had these problems before until now. What I mean is that I felt sexually attracted to girls around 12 years old or at least looked like that. They did not look like prepubescent children.
There are a couple of things to take into account: I have a slow growth, and even if I’m 15, I look like 12 year old. I also lived in a country where my classmates were surprisingly smaller than in where I currently live in. I remember that I liked a girl around 2 years ago that looked like a 12-13 year old. (She looked like me, though.)
Now, my anxiety comes from realizing that my fantasies could make me a pedophile. I’ve thought that deep, deep inside me I am not a pedo. I have had HOCD and now JUST after getting over it I get this. Thing is that I have fantasized about these kind of girls. I even got a boner out of a fantasy with another girl that I had back when I was I think 11 years old. It’s like I fantasize with girls that have somewhat matured sexually.
What makes me doubt is that the attraction was already there, and I just knew that I could be a pedo. That scares me, a lot. I’ve tried to stop thinking about the fantasies (don’t get me wrong, I love girls my age and older. In fact, I fantasize a ton more bout girls that are around my age) And I have failed to a certain extent. I had this (and still have) like this period where I don’t like the fantasies as much, because I think I’m getting older and all that stuff and just saw all these girls as cute but not sexually attractive, but I couldn’t take the sexual tension and I end up masturbating but feeling bad about it. (I don’t end up enjoying it, it feels wrong and like “Why am I doing this”)
There are a couple reasons that make me think I am not a pedophile.
-When I was little I liked girls my age and I’ve stopped liking that because I’m not a pedo
-I see little kids as little brothers/sisters, not sexually attractive
-As I’ve said, I think that I am not a pedo. There’s just something within me that tells me that. (From Mexico)