My dad left us when I was 10. I was brought up by mom single-handedly. She worked most of the time and I used to be alone at home. I was harassed and bullied by my uncle and his family with whom mom and myself stayed for 7 years before we could manage to stay on our own. I started working when I was 18 and have been working since then. I feel I’m always in need of love and affection. I would do anything for a person who shows me slightest of love. I have been in 2 serious relationships which didn’t work out and left me in complete mess. I was approached by one of my school friends recently who wanted to be with me. I was really happy. But due to my hot temper he has taken a back step and probably is no longer interested. I’m depressed. I feel lonely and crave for companionship. My work seems fine, but I feel I am stuck in one place. My relationship with my mom is quite strained as we keep on fighting with each other and hardly talk. She stays with me as there’s no one to take care of her. A person looking at me would say that I’m fine as I kind of wear a happy mask while I’m at work. But deep down I feel sad and angry. Angry because I have no one. People my age have got married and settled. I am scared I will end up lonely. I am not good looking either. Therefore probably guys don’t approach me. I can’t sleep at night. I lay awake for hours, cry a lot and feel lonely. I wish to die and end this. I feel it all started because my dad left. Please help. (From India.)
I hear in your struggle the courage and resilience you have demonstrated and looking for something better. While I certainly understand the level of your frustration, what I hear is a young woman who has met many adversities, and yet is able to pick herself up again and again and keep trying.
Everything I know about success in anything, love or work, has to do with resilience and courage. I believe it is time for new things in your life. Take the bull by the horns. Give yourself the daily challenge of introducing yourself to new people. Give yourself the weekly challenge of trying something new. In order to grow you must re-create yourself in new ways. Meeting new people and learning new thing sis the best way to do this.
Finally, I think it would be important for you to find a trusted person outside your family you can talk to about your thoughts, feelings, and plans. In the meantime you may want to join one of our forums here at Psych Central.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Losing on Life. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 11, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/02/10/losing-on-life/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.