From the U.S.: I love my husband of 17 years very much. Each year his family plans multiple camping trips, and while it’s not always my first choice. We go on almost all of them. This year, they want to us to go to Disneyland. While they have been kind enough to offer to pay for many of the expenses, it’s far from my or his idea of a great vacation. Instead, I’d love to plan a week-long trip with just the four of us this year, but my husband is adamant that we go to avoid hurting his parents’ feelings, and has told me that I do not have a choice in the matter. How can we resolve this situation?
After 17 years of going along with this, it will be difficult to change it without upsetting your husband and his folks. I suggest you start weaning yourself away from this routine rather than try to put an abrupt stop to it. Is it possible for you to negotiate a vacation for just the four of you in addition to the Disney trip? Can you maybe arrange to have a couple of days off from the grandparents when you are at Disney, instead of being always in a big group? In either case, you would be freer to appreciate the gift of a Disney trip without feeling like your own family time is being usurped by his folks.
Of more concern to me than this particular vacation plan is your husband’s idea that you have no choice in the matter. That speaks to a problem in your relationship. A solid couple is one that works as a team. I would hope that after 17 years together with a man you love that the two of you know how to work out compromises. If not, I hope you both will give your relationship some attention.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
My Husband’s Parents Plan Our Vacations
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Husband’s Parents Plan Our Vacations. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/02/09/my-husbands-parents-plan-our-vacations/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.