I’m 13 years old right now, but this is a problem that’s been recurring for a few years now. I’m prone to day dreaming, I have a few imaginary friends. I often talk with them, and when I’m not i imagine my friends and I having fun or being romantic. Idk why. I often think about how it would be to commit suicide, murder, and other things like that too though. I have a history of self harm. I recently started biting my hands. I can’t explain why, I just enjoy the taste. It doesn’t really feel like much is happening. I can’t sleep at night for fear something will happen and if it’s no that I just don’t see the point when morning will come anyway.
I keep wishing for things like cancer or diseases like that. I’ve convinced myself I may be the next god or a demon when I die. I’m not sure. When I tell my parents any of these things they assume I’m trying to be shocking. I don’t understand things like that. Or most human emotions. My parents thing in strange for not understanding right from wrong. I don’t do bad.. I only understand things that are socially acceptable from not. But I still have emotions. They annoy me a lot.
Everything feels distant. Like this isn’t real life, and maybe it’s all a strange dream. I just want to either die, or become what I really am. I don’t think this is all there is here. Maybe it’s wishful thinking? But I want another dimension; a different world.
I keep bruising myself and I bite only until blood comes out. Just today I almost threw up because of the taste that’s now bad but I kept on until it wouldn’t bleed anymore. I hate this. This world, these people, myself, and I hate I don’t know why. I’d stay in my delusions of happiness forever if u could but I know that’s not the ‘real world’. There’s not even anything really wrong with my life. I just want to stray from it .Strange Thoughts
You’re obviously suffering. Your symptoms are concerning and require treatment from a mental health professional.
Self-harm is a maladaptive response to psychological pain. Some people use it as a way to cope with their emotional problems. Others do it because they feel like no one is listening to them or they feel powerless to change. Self-harm can make you feel as though you have some level of control over your emotional pain but that is an illusion. There is nothing to be gained from self-harm.
I would encourage you to speak to your parents again about what’s wrong. It might help if they knew that you wrote to me about these issues. It might help them to see that you are serious about wanting help, and that you’re not attempting to be “shocking.” Ask them to take you to see a mental health professional. Therapy could be greatly beneficial for you. Medication might help as well.
If your parents are not taking you seriously, then speak to a school counselor or faculty member, or perhaps another family member about getting help. The sooner that you receive help, the better you will feel. If you ask for help, you have every reason to believe that you will improve. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle