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I Have Feelings for My Ex

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From the U.S.: I’m afraid that I’m losing feelings for my girlfriend. I feel that I still have feelings for my ex after she admitted to still having feelings for me almost 2 years later. My current gf and I have been together for almost 2 years yet her parents still don’t know that we’re together and sometimes I feel that she’s ashamed of me. I can’t show signs of affection for her in public, I can’t show that I’m proud of our relationship in general because I have to censor myself for her sake. I feel like I’m invisible and in some ways I’m still just “the friend”. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been having doubts lately. Some days I wake up and love her more than anything and others, I wonder if I should just break things off and get back with my ex which is exactly the type of person I’m looking for. It sounds terrible and it makes me ashamed to even write it, but I’m just so confused.

I Have Feelings for My Ex

Answered by on -

A.

I don’t know if your ex is right for you, but it certainly sounds like your current girlfriend is wrong. Please reread your own words. She hasn’t introduced you to her family. You think she’s ashamed of you. You feel invisible in the relationship. You’re not proud to be with her. My guess is that’s only for starters.

I’m sure there must be something sweet about her for you to wake up with loving feelings now and then. But the relationship as a whole doesn’t look healthy. There’s no shame in getting out of a relationship that is so painful. You deserve better.

But — that doesn’t mean that your ex is the woman for you either. She might be. It may also be that you fantasize about her as a way to extricate yourself from your current relationship. Please think about this carefully. You don’t want to be unfair to your ex.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Have Feelings for My Ex

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Have Feelings for My Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/01/30/i-have-feelings-for-my-ex/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.