Hello. I have a problem that I am seeking therapy for, but I would like another opinion. A bit of background info. About me: I have major depression & I suffer from anxiety attacks from time to time. I have been on a leave from my job for 9 months as I was having anxiety attacks almost daily. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a celebrity crush. When I was 14, it started becoming more serious, as my feelings for my “crush” wouldn’t go away. They stayed with me until I was 29. Then a new “crush” came into the picture & replaced the old one. He is part of a very popular music group that I enjoy. My concern is my obsession with his love life. I was like this with my previous crush as well. My current crush has been linked to a certain model. I feel the need to know what is going on with my crush & his female friend at all times. I am constantly checking twitter & tumblr for new pictures of the both of them, & to read people’s opinions on their possible relationship. I’m even checking a certain tumblr account that follows what each of them do (as far as sightings together or apart, where they are, a timeline of their “relationship”). They aren’t out as a couple publicly, but people speculate that they are dating. My therapist feels that I have an addiction to love. Whatever it is, I hate it. It affects my life in all aspects. I am constantly thinking about it & using my phone to check social media. On a side note, I am not in a romantic relationship & I never really have been. My best friend/room-mate and I have a codependent relationship. She has borderline personality disorder. I know that I do not have a chance to date this person, but that doesn’t stop me from obsessing about his love life. I have tried deleting twitter, but I find I go right back to it. It’s like I enjoy hurting myself? That’s the best way I can describe it. What makes it harder for me is I enjoy this musician’s music & the other member’s in the group as well, so it’s hard for me to just stop enjoying them. Any thoughts are appreciated.Obsessed with a Celebrity
Obsessed with a Celebrity
Thank you for your thought-provoking question. Being obsessed with another person’s life, particularly someone you don’t know, is a way of avoiding your own needs. The more invested you become in tracking down the nuances of this musician’s life, the less you have to look at your relationships.
I’ll encourage you to talk to you therapist about two things: First, see if there is a therapy group available that would be appropriate for you to join. I believe a group experience with men and women would be helpful because it will help you be more accountable for yourself and your relationships. Secondly, I think it would be important for you to have a plan to begin dating. The goal here is to challenge yourself. The other side of being addicted to love — is to be avoidant of intimacy. I would discuss these possibilities with your therapist to see if they make sense for you.