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Adoption, Infidelity & Bipolar Disorder

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have gone through an adoption together that was finalized in June ’14. I’ve been suffering from depression but things have gotten better everyday. My boyfriend suffers from manic bipolar disorder and there have been days where my depression has made that harder for him to deal with. But recently, things have finally seemed to become (a new) “normal” again and we’ve talked through a lot of the issues and feelings we’ve been going through.

Recently, I found he had spoken to another girl (whom is also in a long term relationship) and tried hiding the messages. It was fairly innocent, as far as I know, it was at the beginning stages, he was asking her out but she said she was busy, so as far as I know, nothing ever happened.

I’m struggling with my emotions again, it seems like that brought it all out again, on top of everything else, I’ve been feeling so lonely during this holiday season (my family decided to completely cut off all contact with me after the adoption).

He just makes me feel guilty for all of the things that he has to deal with and I somewhat do feel as if its my fault he was talking to this other girl.

Now I just feel like I can’t trust him, and I feel like my confident level has dropped.

I want to help myself and him at the same time, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to, then other days I feel my strength take over & I feel connected and back to who I want to be. Any kind of advice would help at this point. Thank you.

Adoption, Infidelity & Bipolar Disorder

Answered by on -


There are many dynamics that make your situation particularly challenging including your depression, your boyfriend’s bipolar disorder, your new adoption, your discovering his attempt at infidelity, and an overall lack of social support. Any one of those issues, by itself, is a major life challenge and you are attempting to deal with them all simultaneously. Your high levels of stress are most likely impacting the relationship.

Counseling could be highly beneficial to you and your boyfriend. It could provide the necessary guidance for handling these issues. Couples counseling could help you understand the dynamics of your relationship and determine how you both may be contributing to its problems. Your boyfriend’s attempted infidelity needs to be addressed immediately and couples counseling could help with this.

Ask your primary care doctor for a referral. You could also try websites like Psychology Today, or click on the “find help” tab at the top of this page to locate a counselor in your community. The sooner you get help, the better your chances of effectively addressing these issues and mending your relationship. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Adoption, Infidelity & Bipolar Disorder

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Adoption, Infidelity & Bipolar Disorder. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 30, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 28 Jan 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.