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Can’t Keep Friends & Don’t Belong

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I am getting older, it’s getting harder for me to make friends and keep them. I never feel like I belong at home with the in laws, school or at work. I never fit in or feel about of the team. I always feel so distant. Certain times of the year, birthday and holidays, this seems worse. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Can’t Keep Friends & Don’t Belong

Answered by on -


You listed your occupation as “military.” People in the military have described having similar problems. Some have “brought their combat training” home with them and struggle to readjust to civilian life. Approximately 40% of returning veterans have difficulty adjusting to being home but many don’t reach out for help. That’s a mistake because there is a great deal of help available.

You could benefit from mental health treatment. Peer support programs can also be quite effective. The peer support model is based upon the idea that veterans can support other veterans, and perhaps, in some cases, better than traditional mental health treatment models.

I would recommend contacting your local Department of Veteran Affairs to determine what mental health services are available. You might be surprised to learn that there are many effective services they offer.

Finally, please don’t make the mistake of thinking that you “should” be able to cure your own psychological problems and that, if you can’t, you have somehow failed. People don’t consider themselves failures when they can’t cure their medical problems yet they hold these unrealistic views about mental health problems. That line of thinking means that people who would benefit from mental health treatment fail to seek it. Most mental health problems are highly treatable. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Can’t Keep Friends & Don’t Belong

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Can’t Keep Friends & Don’t Belong. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.